Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
