she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
