I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
