yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
