I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
