you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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