he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
