I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
