And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
