I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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