Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
