if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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