So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
