I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
