is your mom at the bar?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
