can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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