What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
