all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
