I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
