we're blogging at a bar
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
