last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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