I'm jealous of your bromance
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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