Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You left your phone here
Wait...
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