are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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