Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
