There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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