My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
