She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
