I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
