I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
