That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
