Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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