Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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