im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
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best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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