You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
