I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
