Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
