we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
