well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
a search helicopter?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
