you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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