Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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