Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Farmville is her only friend.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
