That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
