I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
