when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
