it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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