good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
