My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
