that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
