dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
