Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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