your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
