Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
