How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
