how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
