mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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