ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
