I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
