we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
