just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
