My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
